Who is a Single Mother?

The Many Faces of Mothering While Single

Single Mom

When I first determined that I was going to try to share my experience and acquired knowledge/wisdom with other single moms, I did some research. I Googled. I YouTubed. And I was horrified at what I found.

There were so many generalizations and unfair criticisms of single mothers on the internet, it caused me to pause. There were comments about them being irresponsible and should be avoided by men seeking a wife. I wondered if I was doing the right thing by putting myself out there. The comments by men are especially mean and nasty.

I really do suspect some of these comments came from men who were raised by an irresponsible, if not a really bad single mom.

Thefreedictionary.com states that a single mother is “a person who has a dependent child or dependent children and who is widowed, divorced, or unmarried”. (more…)

Are You Fearful of Letting Go?

It's hard to let go even when they are grown up.

I can’t sleep in an isolated place without pills, earplugs, and both my children in bed with me for fear of scary, feral characters with a hankering for the wilderness.

Mariella Frostrup

Several years ago my two younger sons started staying out late.

For years before that, with the exception of school, they would always be in the house. There was actually a time when I wondered if they would make any friends.

They were each other’s best friend and I was comfortable with that but always knew it would be good if they had outside friends as well.

However, when my youngest started high school they both started to make new friends. Those friends would hang out a the house and I got to know most of them. Some of them even began to call me mom. (more…)

Mothering While Single: 5 Successful Habits

single mom

A day of worry is more exhausting than a week of work.

John Lubback

 


Over the next 5 weeks, I will be covering my top 5 successful habits of single mothers.  I wanted to do one post, but I realize I had too much to say and I didn’t want you to fall asleep reading my post.  So one habit at a time.

I may also, recommend reading resources that may help strengthen any habit you already have or want to adopt.

What Success?

When it comes to mothering while single, how does one define success? Can we measure success by how well our children behave? Or can we measure that success by how emotionally balanced those children grow up to be? (more…)

Mothering while single: they do grow up

20150408_185026My youngest child is almost twenty years old.  Although it hardly seems that way, it’s been a long time since the dirty diapers, sleepless nights and bouts of ear infections.  Still the experience of raising children while single has left an indelible impression on my life.

Sometimes I look at my sons and wonder to myself “who raised those children”?  Because it’s hard to believe that all those years, amid the chaos of confused desperation, helplessness and hopelessness, came such emotionally healthy and respectful sons.  I always believed that my actions and decisions would have a major impact on the lives of my kids.  The consequences of my decisions were sometimes earth shattering yet positive. Other times they were life changing and downright destructive.  However, I still struggle not to feel guilty about some of the choices I made.  I question whether they would have turned out this way or that way if I had made another choice.  But I read somewhere that “you can’t blame yourself for the actions of your children: you are not that powerful and they are not that weak”.  Still I can’t help but think that when you chose the best route you know, like keeping your children safe from physical and emotional harm, life has a way of rewarding you with kindness.  Kindness for me is having adult children who don’t talk back even when they really could.

Looking back, I’m grateful I had the fortitude to push through the difficult times. Thankful that I didn’t walk out the door, never to return when things got tough.  Eternally grateful that I didn’t drown them in the bathtub.  And know now what I’ve always hoped…that they do grow up.